Thank you to everyone for all your fantastic support and comments. I’m not one to usually put myself out there and share such intimate experiences so publicly. Despite being an Actress, I have always remained very private. However, this project means so much to me and so does all the much-needed support at a time when I’m still dragging my phoenix ass out the ashes!
This is possibly the most exposing project I’ve ever developed, in more ways than one!
I have to say that, each time life throws me down on the pitch, I get back up with a new sense of self that I never knew existed.
This time for the first time in my life, I’m truly happy and ready to be me rather than putting myself out there as a role, or working to breathe life into someone elses vision of a character.
Maybe in order to appreciate more fully where I’m at in this part of the journey, I ought to show you more of where I’ve been.
I started out as you see above. As all young Actresses and yoga teachers, I kept myself reasonably slim and fit (albeit sometimes a bit more than others! You know what I mean ladies 😉 ). As a big part of my profession, I had become aware of the impression I made, the way I was perceived, the roles I ‘fit’. I was very much in control of my health, my body, my mind.
Pregnancy brought on a whole set of unanticipated challenges. Being a pregnancy/post natal Yoga teacher I ‘knew’ my delivery and my pre and post fitness would be a snap. I’d pling out that little Bubba and then pling back into shape.
Uhuh. Sure.
During mid-late pregnancy we were staying in Brazil at my in-laws. I maintained good weight eating well and feasting on all the beautiful fruit and veg. However, without going too much into it, I had no, absolutely no, opportunity to practice my yoga or to walk. Enough said.
Skip to 6 months after birth (lets not dwell on the in between its best for all), and I was breast-feeding and gradually getting my bits and bobs (as my Nan says) sucked back in.
But as we know already, that’s when diagnosis hit me up, shortly followed by surgery after surgery after surgery after um.. surgery.
This is my self-portrait 2 days after my last major surgery in April 2009. It says DO NOT PRESS on my neck, over the area that they ‘flipped’ open and dissected. At this stage swelling is never that bad, it’s the days that follow that really blow you up.
2 days post surgery
5 days post surgery
5 days post surgery I can almost close my mouth (kinda) and wear head phones (with the dj ear, I managed to mangle them up to fit my mangled head!) My neck however, is just a memory at this point.
4 months post surgery
4 months post surgery at the Mouth Cancer Walk 2009 with fellow survivor and friend Alice, my challenged smile and jelly belly managed to raise £1000. I felt so blessed to be well enough to walk compared to the year before.
Now almost a year post-surgery with a heavily eroded immune system,hypothyroidism (thanks for that) and STILL carrying post-baby weight,it’s a bit of an uphill challenge to get back into my favourite jeans, or dare I say it – a bikini! No, no I went too far, a one piece maybe at this point may work.
And here I am, planning to shoot a pin-up calendar which would have taken me months to prepare for before the baby when my hips were 6″ smaller. Yes – 6. I know.
What am I thinking?
Of course, I never took a back seat during the past year. I am an aspiring RAW foodist, I was prior to discovering my hypothyroidism, working out around 9 hours a week, I even lost in 6 weeks – 4 pounds! OMG! At least that led to me discovering my thyroid challenges.
Now I am armed with homeopathic thyroid remedies an 80/20 RAW vegan plan followed by a stepped up fitness regime. After one week I lost 1 pound – I am pleased! Gotta stay positive. Theres a little less jiggle to my wiggle and junk in my trunk. I lost 1/2 ” on my waist. For one week this is good – no?
As Louise L Hay would have me say – ‘I AM WILLING TO NOW RELEASE THE NEED TO BE OVERWEIGHT’ Amen.
Surgery also played havoc on my smile. I used to be flashing that sucker all over the place – the post man, the traffic warden, the tax man, newborns, anyone. It would get me all kinds of free stuff, smiles, auditions and opportunities. It was ready on demand, like any good Actress, all in all I prided myself on being what I like to call ‘camera ready’. Now it is still a little bit of a hybrid between Jack Dee (lopsided) and hamster-ish. Maybe the answer is to become like Posh spice sorry Lady Victoria Beckham – and never smile. But didn’t she even start at one point? Practice and patience, a good smile makes 😉
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